Wake-up call: Why 90% of people are lost in life and how to join the 10% who aren't
Nov 26, 2023
Read time: 5 minutes
This blows my mind…
In over two decades of education, including a bachelor's, master's, and PhD in different countries, I was never asked to seriously consider my aim in life.
Sure, I’ve been asked about academic endeavours and career ambition.
But for life itself, no teacher ever asked me to think about where I was, where I wanted to be, and how to get there.
I was never asked to critically consider my core values, my principles and goals for living.
In university, the focus is on academic and career success, not on leading a successful life.
That’s a major gap…
But it’s not just a gap in our education system.
It seems to be a gap in our society.
In the past 5 years, I’ve interviewed 724 people…
And what I learned shocked me:
- Less than 10% of people are convinced that their life has a clear sense of purpose.
- Less than 10% know what they’re supposed to do with their life.
- More than 70% either had no clue or were not really sure what to do with their life.
That breaks my heart.
So today, I want to talk about purpose and meaning.
First, why do we even need an aim in life?
In order to answer this question, let’s look at an ancient truth.
Both Western and more ancient Eastern cultures have adopted the truth that life is suffering.
We can support this truth simply by looking at the nature and consequences of wars, natural disasters, diseases etc.
We all face pain, discomfort, and ultimately, death. It's an inescapable part of the human experience.
And if you haven’t experience it yet, you will – even if you don’t want to.
Unfortunately so, life is suffering.
Interestingly, there are two fundamental ways to interpret this truth: the Victim Mindset, which sees life's suffering as an external, uncontrollable force, and the Control Mindset, which recognises our power to respond.
1. The Victim Mindset: "Life is unfair — Why is this happening TO me?"
The Victim Mindset sees life's suffering as something unfair, something that happens to them without their control.
It's a perspective where one feels powerless, at the mercy of external forces.
People with this mindset often feel stuck, believing they have no control over their circumstances.
They might ask questions like, "Why do bad things always happen to me?" or "What did I do to deserve this?"
The consequences of this mindset can be quite limiting.
It can lead to a sense of helplessness, a lack of motivation to change or improve one's circumstances, and even resentment towards others who seem to have it better.
It's a passive approach to life, where one is more likely to give up when faced with challenges.
2. The Control Mindset: "It it what it is — What can I do ABOUT it?"
On the flip side, the control mindset is about recognising that, while we can't always control what happens to us, we often have some degree of control over how we respond.
This mindset is proactive. It's about looking for solutions and ways to overcome or cope with difficulties.
People with this mindset ask questions like, "What can I learn from this?" or "How can I grow from this experience?"
The implications of adopting this mindset are profound.
It leads to a sense of empowerment, resilience, and the ability to find meaning even in tough times.
It fosters a proactive approach to life, where challenges are seen as opportunities for growth and self-improvement.
This mindset doesn't eliminate suffering, but it changes how we engage with it, often leading to a more fulfilling and purpose-driven life.
Choosing our mindset
While it's natural to feel overwhelmed by life's challenges, the mindset we choose can make a significant difference in how we navigate them.
The victim mindset can trap us in a cycle of negativity and passivity, while the control mindset can empower us to take charge of our lives, even in the face of adversity.
I’m not saying building a control mindset is an easy thing to do.
I am saying it’s the best option we have.
Rather than blaming our culture and using social structures as an excuse for being miserable, bitter, resentful and cynical, why not take responsibility and solve your suffering yourself?
Responsibility = meaning
If you seek a life filled with meaning, every action you take becomes significant.
On the other hand, If pursuing meaning doesn't appeal to you, the sense of responsibility may feel unneeded.
Why bother, right?
If life is merely a quest for instant pleasure without deeper purpose, responsibility may seem like a burden.
But here's the catch – a life without meaning will eventually lead to a sense of emptiness.
It's easy to fall into a pattern of chasing fleeting pleasures, but this often leaves us feeling unfulfilled in the long run.
We have 2 choices…
Do we seek a meaningful life with its responsibilities, or drift without them, lacking deeper purpose?
Embracing a life of meaning isn't a walk in the park. It requires acknowledging that life involves suffering and challenges.
It's about knowing ourselves, facing our flaws, and striving to be better.
This journey is ancient, transcending time and culture, and it's about more than just self-improvement.
It's about making a positive impact on those around us – being a reliable friend, a supportive family member, and a contributing member of our community.
By confronting our own shortcomings and committing to personal growth, we not only improve our own lives but also bring value to the lives of those in our immediate circle.
It's about striving to be a force for good, to reduce suffering in the world in whatever ways we can.
This pursuit of meaning and responsibility, challenging as it may be, is what can truly enrich our lives and the lives of others.
If you care about meaning, taking responsibility is a no-brainer.
So here are 11 insights to help increase responsibility and meaning in your life:
- Envision the life you want across key areas — family, career, health, spirituality. Define what you need to do to get there. Then schedule time to achieve it.
- Envision the life you DON’T want. Consider where you will end up if you keep doing what you’ve been doing. Course-correct before it's too late.
- Envision your 80-year-old self advising you. What wisdom would they impart? How would this change your current course in life?
- Prioritise what’s most important. If you had a year left to live, what would you change today? That reveals what matters most.
- Accept the things you cannot change; change the things you cannot accept. Know the difference, or be miserable.
- What struggle do you keep avoiding that holds you back? Confront and overcome it.
- Without health, you have nothing. Make nourishing your body and mind a non-negotiable priority.
- You have control over how you react to situations, people, and their actions. Choose not to act or speak when emotionally charged – as it often (if not always) leads to negative outcomes.
- Choose to show compassion towards those in need or suffering. Your willingness to help others is within your control.
- Choose your relationships wisely. Be selective about who surround yourself with. Distance yourself from people who are constantly complaining or getting angry over things they cannot control.
- Meditate and reflect. Develop a meditation practice to gain clarity while distancing from the disruptive chaos of life. Reflect on your actions and choices to ensure they align with your values and priorities.
The conclusion?
The path to a life of meaning starts with taking responsibility.
Consider what future you envision for yourself and what actions you need to take today to make it a reality.
Confront your fears and obstacles head on.
Prioritise your health and relationships.
Reflect often on whether you are living according to your values.
Aim to lift up those around you through compassion and service.
The challenges will be great, but so too are the rewards of a purpose-driven life.
Fully owning our power to direct our life course requires brutal self-honesty.
But ultimately it's the straightest path to living out our values and purpose.
Here’s to making a difference,
Dr Yannick
